Even a child is known by his actions, by whether his conduct is pure and right.
Proverbs 20:11 NIV
It is the parents’ job to teach children their boundaries. We have to “build a fence” that provides boundaries for children within the parents comfort. Now… how much pasture or lenience the parent allows should depend of the age of the child and the developmental stage that the child is both mentally and physically. I have seen 12 year olds that look 18 and I have seen 18 year olds that look 12. There are different expectations and the pasture fence are different because of the mental and physical attention and experience. With the over developed 12 year old… the parents must be the “adult” and set the “pasture fence” or limitations for the child’s social or friend activities. I don’t want parents to think that boys need to have different requirements than girls. Girls just tend to mature earlier than most boys and so… they may be drawing the attention of older gentlemen. Just because the body looks like they understand boy –girl activities…. They may not be mentally ready for all situations.
Parents need to spend time with all of your child’s friends. Participate and instigate mall trips, movies, putt putt, and other activities that your child enjoys. I never allowed a sleep over away from the house or an activity that I did not supervise until I had spent many hours with my child’s friends. My expectations for interpersonal interaction were demonstrated and I observed friend interpersonal interaction with my child. Looked for their choices and how the students influenced or got along with the other students attending the activity. Time and good observation will give all parents information needed to see if the children that your child “hangs with” share your family values.
I have also told my girls to use me as an excuse. If their friends know my expectations…( because they have spend time with me) it will not surprise them to hear the phrase, “ My mom would kill me!!”. I tell them to blame me. If they are asked to participate in an activity or find themselves in a situation that their gut tells them that they should not do- but need to save face… Always blame mom… I don’t mind being the bad guy.
Parents be prepared!!! Children are going to try your limits and try to break your fence and boundaries down. You are going to have confrontation and sometimes a mixing of words. People don’t generally like to hear the word “NO”. Be prepared to dig in and hold your ground. All adults in the house hold need to speak in unison and speak as one. The “divide and conquer” war fair will be played, but the strategy must fail… Do not give in! Children do not need to find themselves in situations to make a decision that they do not have enough experience or knowledge to make. Parents need to provide as much knowledge and experience as we can in sheltered environments so that as our children grow and mature, so that they can make educated decisions without us present. This teaches them our expectations. It gives them a chance to practice and make mistakes without having to live with circumstances that are permanent and non-changing.
How do I get started with my child making decisions, you may ask?
Give smaller children choices with only 2 outcomes to choose from. Example… What would you like to eat..1. Chicken or 2. Hamburger. Either choice you would except so you both are happy. They child is empowered by choice and you are happy with either food. This can be applied to any decision. Provide choice with limitations that you will are willing to except…
Remember to always “Love the Child…. Hate the Action”. Be able to separate the action that was disappointing or conducted out of the “fence area” from the child. Use the action as a learning experience. Start out with simple and move to complicated as the child grows up.
